About a month or so ago, I saw a video on-line of this redneck kid eating a habanero pepper and buckling under the intense pain of the heat. As I watched the kid regurgitate the pepper and grab his face in pain, I laughed out loud and moved on to the next funny YouTube clip. The next day, I watched the video again, but this time I made my kids watch so they would see first hand the pain and agony that a hot ass chili pepper can bring. My boys winced as they watched the idiot redneck boy flail out in true fashion, drool and sound effects included.
Later that same day when they were talking about the habanero boy, I told them a legendary story about one of my old friends in D.C. who told me about this idiot who came into their restaurant and poured some Dave’s Insanity Hot Sauce in his chili and ended up having to be taken out on a stretcher after falling on the floor screaming for mercy. The guy thought he was having a heart attack from the painful hot spicyness.
Then, I remembered to myself about the first time I went to an authentic Thai restaurant in San Diego for dinner, and ordered my dish to be prepared “mild” and ended up in intense pain for like an hour or so after I realized aloud three bites into the dish that, “Holy shit! This shit is spicy!” All of that said, I have to say that my experience at the Med Deli last Sunday was an unforeseen and harrowing one at best.
Claire ordered some chicken kabob thing that she likes, which always comes with a bed of rice topped with a big roasted green jalapeno pepper. That’s what I always thought the pepper was, but now I’m not so sure. In the past, the pepper hasn’t been that hot. Sometimes this mystery pepper has not been hot at all, and she consumed the entire thing. Well, this past Sunday turned out to be a little different.
We ordered the same stuff as always and got down to enjoying another legendary Sunday afternoon family lunch at Med Deli. This has been our tradition for years now. As usual, we ate outside and everything was awesome. I got the mixed grill and a greek salad, she got the kabob plate thing with the pepper on the rice. Epic.
All was well as we savored our meal and enjoyed the outdoor patio seating in the comfortable N.C. September weather. We were almost done eating, and without pause I innocently and idiotically piped up like the fool I was three days ago and asked, "Hey, are you going to eat that pepper?” This seemingly benign little question turned out to be the beginning of a nightmare that I will not soon forget. These were basically my last words, for the next thirty minutes at least.
So, I cut into the end of the pepper gleefully, not unlike the idiot redneck boy aforementioned in this little story. Actually, in a way, I became the idiot redneck habanero boy at that very moment. I gently sliced the end of the roasted green pepper off and positioned it properly on my fork with precision. I think for a minute that I was as deep in a fantasy world as I’ve ever been before, as I placed the toxic substance willfully in my own face and began to chew.
Within fractions of a second after placing the demon pepper in my mouth, I was overcome with an unusual sensation. It was like a metallic rush through my inner mouth and tongue that turned into sheer agonizing pain. I crammed my hand into my mouth and pulled out the chewed up pepper, but it was too late. Things actually got worse from here. I still cannot believe how hot that pepper was. I only had it in my mouth for a second and the effects lasted for the next hour at least. I began grabbing at anything edible left on the table and shoving it in my mouth with the hope that the pain would subside. I drank two more glasses of iced tea and savored every gulp. I was at the point where I had to keep the cold tea in my mouth without swallowing to fend off the pain.
Later, when the sensations of fire igniting inside my torn up oral cavity wore off, I was able to laugh about it and speculate with a mild apprehension about how it would feel on the back end. It was an unpleasant future for my ass that I envisioned, but I was too relieved to worry about it at the time. Hey, there's some material for the next Boredom Watch blog...
Anyway, I guess I had to tell this story for a couple of reasons. The main reason really is to warn my readers that hot peppers are not meant to be taken lightly. Yea, maybe you’ve felt the pain of a searing hot pepper, but when you feel the toxic metallic hot nightmare that I experienced, you’ll know what I’m talking about.
Shit, maybe you already do.
3 comments:
Epic, indeed. Reminds me of a time when McGrath and I went to Thai Kitchen. Mind you, I worked at a different Thai food restaurant at the time.
I thought I could take the heat, because I was used to eating so many peppers that I could count on quick and easy bathroom visits. I had free meals, two times a day, and they were crawling with peppers, like a third world plate crawls with bugs.
Our visit to the restaurant was after I had gotten used to quick, explosive ass-cannon volleys, and then eventually, even after the ass-pepper-burn that originally makes you do your business in painfully halting episodes, has become old news. It never goes away, when you eat hot all the time, you just pretend that it is normal.
McGrath and I went for the items listed as "hot" on the menu, the ones that said we could not send them back. The peppers were strange looking, and small. "Nuclear Fishin'" was my order.
It wasn't long before the table seemed to levitate... our seats along with it. We were sober, but J. agreed with me that we were legally stoned. We had to ask for more and more napkins, mopping our foreheads, blowing our noses, and trying to understand what was going on.
The waiter was obviously concerned, judging by his face- we had difficulty communicating correctly.
Yes, the peppers can be mean, but beautiful, at the same time.
There was nothing to do, but wait for things to settle down and leave.
SoG
Pussy, I eat those like candy now. But I guess living in Mexico for years will do that for you.
Btw, milk dude. Milk will instantly kill the pain and hotness.
Im lactose intolerant
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