more dvd reviews by stabler hsu

Dig
The Brian Jonestown Massacre VS. The Dandy Warhols
I rented this originally because I thought my friends Dominic and Jennifer were in it. I once hung out with them at the fabled BJM house where a lot of this movie takes place. They weren't mentioned. This documentary, which more resembles reality TV at times, is a genuine work of art. Whoever made the effort over the huge period of time this film (do your own research) covers to document, film, edit, etc. all of the sordid details of this L.A. indie rock fairytale gone bad did an excellent job. At the end of Dig, I felt like I really knew these guys. The singer for the BJM, Anton, is a complete basket case, but you have to love him because not only is he talented and a leader type, but he reveals his weaknesses openly and puts his heart into it. He eventually gets strung out on heroin and his rock star good looks and smiles turn to gray hairs and hate-filled rants directed at unwitting audience members. I remember the stories back when they were touring of aggro behavior and the like, but when I saw them in Austin, there were no such events. However, this film does a fantastic job of documenting the actual events which earned the BJM their notoriety at the time. My favorite person though has to be Joel, who just doesn't seem to give a shit about anything but having fun. God bless him. He says it best at the very end of the debacle with a smile on his face as usual, "What a gyp" (JB)


Robert Evans Documentary:
The Kid Stays in the Picture
The reason I rented this doc is because Patton Oswalt mentions the book in his stand up comedy CD. I love that disc. Anyway, Patton has done us all right, for this documentary about the legendary Robert Evans is brilliant. The images alone of his life and times are utterly fantastic. This guy was basically genius in every way. Yea, it is an autobiography, so he is able to spin it that way, but more power to him. At least he was doing something. I know people that don't do shit. Robert Evans basically dragged people with him to success and in the end this worked for him and against him. Some took the money and status and ran. Others whom he had mentored in years past eventually came into power and supported him and brought him back after the crash he suffered in the eighties. The stories and personal film and photos reveal and endless flow of unbelievable celebrity tales. Jack Nicholson personally flew around the world to beg a French Industrialist to sell Bob his house back. He made Copolla lengthen The Godfather and basically redo the entire film. He produced a shitload of movies, all of which I've seen and never knew he had anything to do with, not that I was paying attention. He was the quintessential seventies player type. He, in a sense, really defined the whole thing. (JB)

2 random dvd reviews

Hitch
This guy Albert (Kevin James) goes to Hitch (Will Smith) for help hooking up with this celebrity chick(Amber Valletta). Albert is a portly funny guy. Will (as Hitch of course) is his usual charming and amusing self. I like both of these guys. Will yearns for, and winds up totally in love with Sara (Eva Mendes), who is really super attractive. She is a gossip columnist for this cheesy tabloid style publication that wants her to keep close watch on the celebrity chick aforementioned in this review. In spite of its corny mainstream and tacky mass appeal, this movie left me feeling as though I hadn't completely wasted my time paying attention to it to write this review. However, it wasn't a particularly rewarding experience either. Unfortunately for the discerning viewer, Hitch proves itself to be yet another movie set in a huge city where six or seven people just all happen to continue to cross paths and I could not accept this on a basic level. Actually, the characters' ability to randomly come across each other and proceed to have a deep interaction is kind of annoying at times. As expected from this "feel good" flick, Albert perseveres and eventually is able plunge his fat body into the love snuggle nest of the celebrity chick. Its all good when the Fresh Prince is in da house. (JB)



Metallica Documentary:
Some Kind of Monster
This movie stands alone as the number one reason to hate Metallica, and I loved Metallica back in the eighties. No matter how much you appreciate their music today or yesterday, this deep look inside the band and their weird, quirky stadium concert playing heavy metal world is disturbing at best. Halfway through it I was cringing whenever any of them opened their mouths. Why do we care what these guys do or say when they're not playing metal? They may as well be a fucking knitting circle as far as I can tell. The whole bit with their "band Psychiatrist" (I wonder what he was prescribing), made me disinterested immediately. The fact is, that whether or not this documentary is a real document of what Metallica is or was, I think a more positive and upbeat recollection of their work and tours would have been more fun to watch and listen to. Who wants to watch a bunch of old geeks bicker with each other over nothing and mean it? I once shotgunned beers with this kid when I was in high school who lived and breathed Metallica and that was back in 1985. I rode the lightning and it was glorious. That kind of stuff wasn't covered in the doc. For real metal documentary fans I recommend Heavy Metal Parking Lot. (JB)

Ric Flair is My Idol

WWHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Back in the late nineties, when there still were a few videotapes being used, there was one fabled VHS tape in particular that bounced around Austin, TX for a solid three years and it continues to make history. Every once in a while when the stars were aligned, it would turn up at a party and some unwitting guest would pop it in the player and within two minutes the television would capture the attention of any discerning partygoer within earshot of the boobtube. The tape would eventually be known simply as "The Flair Tape". Only God knows how many copies of this fabled tape have been duplicated and how much joy and/or fear has been felt by those who have witnessed it. Stylin' and profilin' from beginning to end, the Nature Boy proves legendary.
The notorious videotape was made by a misguided UT student named Lance who was a legend in his own right. He drove a classic Mustang coupe with chrome Cragars and was known for his house parties. By some stroke of genius he had recorded nearly an entire season of WCW's classic wrestling show called Monday Night Nitro. He then edited it down to just scenes featuring the wrestler Ric Flair basically going off between bouts. It was the same show which showcased many early 90's classics like Hulk Hogan, the Giant, Machoman Randy Savage, Sting, the list goes on... However, what stands out above all the rest is the documented mania of a one, Ric Flair.
During a few of his episodes, it looks as though Flair's face is just going to explode. Beet red with veins popping out of his neck in a manner that would make Henry Rollins look a docile altar boy, no one in the history of television has ever made eye contact with the camera like Ric Flair. He's focused on the viewer and on kicking some ass. Ric Flair's in-between match rantings and ravings are played out in sequence throughout the entire year and with each rough cut, the fervor and intensity displayed by Flair are absolutely invigorating. Anyone who has seen this tape will attest that Ric Flair was beyond genius on this Monday Nitro program. He was inspirational. And poor Mean Gene had to suffer through all of it, sometimes almost getting his head taken off in the process.
I'm not sure what gave Lance the idea to create this furious montage, but bless his soul for unearthing some of the finest American drama I have ever seen unfold on screen. I believe it was taped around '94 or '95. It spanned the entire year and included all of the classic characters and The Nature Boy's moments of pure genius. Included are: Brian Pillman with his dungeon of doom, the constant calling out of Hulk Hogan, the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Double A, Ben Wa, the girls, the figure 4, Elizabeth, grabbing Mean Gene's headset, etc etc.. And you know what that means... Classic quotes like (Flair to Double A) "You brought the behind the scenes family to the front, and a stranger into the forbidden land, baaaaaadddd idea!" or (Double A to Sting) "Do not hang your head in shame for you did the unthinkable. You stayed in the ring for one minute with four Horsemen and just by the sheer laws of nature this seemed impossible." They go on like this for hours.
Anyway, so I'm in a Walmart and I see a sign for an in-store book signing featuring the one and only Ric Flair! I freaked out. He was promoting a new wrestling book in which he is featured. Finally, there was some reward for patronizing such an evil establishment. I had no time to think of what I would say to the legend, but I knew I couldn't pass up this chance. I wanted to recite back to him all of his best lines. I haven't actually watched the tape in years, but Flair's words are deeply ingrained in my psyche.
I followed the masking tape arrows on the floor which led us around the entire store and into a little nook where the Nature Boy sat behind a little table. He didn't look very excited, and by the looks of the other nerds standing around, I got the impression that this wasn't a high energy gig. I decided to chill and not upset the Walmart shoppers. We shook hands and I told him how awesome I thought he was, but after leaving I'd wished I would have mentioned the tape. His cell phone had gone off and he had to take a call. I imagined him being driven off to some party somewhere where he'd take some chick to Space Mountain or something.
Some time later I heard that he was arrested in a road rage incident. see link.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1129051ric1.html
and this is an awesome related link
http://www.areavoices.com/wrestling/?blog=947

Why Does Chakka Rock?

(and is that how you spell it? -ed.)


When you are a washed up child actor with no hopes of ever being the next Todd Bridges, what kinds of roles are made readily available for you? Maybe ones where you play a disfigured half cro-magnon little freak like Chakka. What kind of acting skills must one possess to capture the essence of the furry kid freak with the terrible make up? Who was Chakka anyway? Why was there a Chakka? What did he want? Was Chakka a girl or a boy? Maybe he really did just want his disturbing image to remain lingering in our minds for the rest of our lives. Face it, if you had a television in the seventies, and something makes you think of a cave child, the first horrible image that comes to mind is the one of that ratty-ass Chakka kid. What was the deal with his youth-caveman/inverted Donald Trump combover on top of a Grace Jones forehead head piece? Why was Chakka always afraid? Was he afraid in every episode or what? Chakka afraid, Chakka very afraid!!!. I don't remember, but for some reason now, after all these years of not seeing him I must say that Chakka does rock. I admit it now and its hard to do so, but I relent. Chakka rocks.

random thoughts stabler hsu 2/21

The best cookie I ever had was the one that was discontinued at my local morning stop-in. I haven't seen one since. I can only assume that one of two things must have happened: The cookie became to expensive to make any money for the shop, or the demand for the cookie never became strong enough for the cookie to survive in this heartless capitalist society we live in and love. My hope is that I will soon find another cookie that lights my fire. I rarely complain about confectionary items, but when I do, its something very unusual. An ice cream sandwich competition is sounding really good right now.

Egg & Cheese If You Please

EGG &CHEESE REVIEW

Breakfast for real when you're on the run.
(So we'll begin with a run-on sentence. Get it? -ed.) - Stabler Hsu

What's better than an egg & cheese sandwich to start the day when you're trying to get somewhere and you're late, but you know that reality is just about to kick you in the ass if you don't get some wholesome nutrients into your body pronto? At first, one may turn to that mexican snack known as the breakfast burrito. Yes, those are great, but that's not what this article is about. Personally, I want to grab a hold of an actual egg & cheese sandwich, manhandle it, and rip a chunk out of it with my teeth, absorbing the fuel that will make me do more stupid things in the day ahead. Anyway, the essence of the egg&cheese has yet to be distinguished. For now, we'll relish in knowing that the right egg and cheese can determine the course of the day, and the wrong egg and cheese can send this writer into a 4 G tailspin on the downward spiral into hell commonly known as a shitty day.

First of all, I must tell the tale of my first actual recognition of what the term "egg&cheese" really stood for. Some friends and I had frequented a random fastfood establishment way back when, and I always ordered an egg & cheese croissant regularly (hold the meat). One day, to my dismay, I was mistakenly given a sausage, egg and cheese croissant by accident. Understand now, we had hit up this establishment for egg&cheese sandwiches for some months, and the courteous staff was well aware of the Q.O.C.C. crew and our morning escapades. (note: We were the Q.O.C.C. crew and we ran the grounds at the Quince Orchard Corporate Park every summer for three years. The stories run the gamut, and they will partially be revealed in the next issue of this very zine. )

Anyway, the next day when we pulled up to the microphone, I asserted my displeasure with the fact that I was delivered the wrong sandwich. We all sat perched on the doors of my '72 Dodge Dart for the garbled drive-thru speaker response. Sure enough, girlfriend came correct. She exclaimed gleefully, "Wha wuz dat, Egga-chey? ... Drive on up!" She replaced the sandwich without hesitation and insisted that I have a great day. I guffawed.

It was at that moment that I instantly realized that the egg&cheese was to be a favorite breakfast item for years to come. Since then, I have developed quite a palate for the concoction. I even occasionally enjoy some bacon or some other breakfast meat when I'm feeling radical. I also know now that it comes in every shape and form, and can often please and unfortunately sometimes leave you feeling like you just licked up a flour laden grease slick.

There are some basic levels of the egg&cheese that need first to be established. They are as follows:

1. Quality through and through: From the moment you look at it and the moment you bite into it, till when you chew it up, you savor every mouthful.
2. Fake Quality: Looks good at first, but when consumed leaves you feeling ripped off. The ingredients are there, but they are prepared inadequately.
3. Large Scale Commercial Quality: The site of it doesn't scare you , and after consumption, you have few side effects.
4. Commercial Low Quality: At this level, anything can happen. You might get a mouthful of grease and dough, or the egg could be raw and the cheese barely edible. Approach with caution.
5. Wild Card: These are the little roadside joints that have a lot of contractors coming through in the morning. The product can be awesome or subpar.

These five categories will be clearly defined for anyone who lives in the Chapel Hill area. We'll take a moment now to break it down.

Without question, the best egg&cheese sandwich in the area would have to be the blockbuster delight they serve up at Bagels On the Hill on Weaver Dairy Rd. Unfortunately, it really is a toss-up as to whether you'll actually get what you want, or what Hector and the boys in from Chupacabraville who they brought in to scrape together your morning grub. Sometimes the bagels are the best I've had in years, and the eggs are cooked to order on a flat top griddle. The cheese is quality deli sliced. If bacon is your breakfast meat of choice, B.O.T.H. cooks that stuff right. Basically, anything you consume at this place could put a smile on your face. Their egg&cheese is simply testament to that. They would fall under category #1. Quality through and through. Don't come on a bad day though, for because in this instance you will pay dearly.

As far as the actual food is concerned, at the next level down, we had a real hard time determining who would represent this #2 spot. After quality control testing and several arduous trials, we had to give it to Brugger's Bagels. They have the goods to make it happen, but the experience will leave the true egg&cheese fanatic wanting an after breakfast snack. They get an "A" for effort and a "T" for nice try. They fall into category #2. Fake Quality.

Now, let's ratchet this discussion down a few notches. We are now about to embark on the fastfood odyssey of breakfast sandos gone bad. For category #3. Large Scale Commercial Quality, we had to go cheap and safe. Remember, this level represents some shoddy product, but it only costs a buck or two a pop. Burger King's Egg&cheese croissant will go down easy, but you may need two. As with these lower level sandwiches, the eggs are microwaved and the cheese is straight up dull American plasticio. You're lovin' that bland maleable substance that will assuredly cut into that alcohol thats chewin at yer gut.

God you gotta love this party lifestyle. I could go on for hours about egg and cheeses. I could just keep writin' and a writin'. But then Greg and Ran would kick my ass for wasting time when the Boredom Watch Alliance (the BWA) is just beginning to become entrenched in the lifestyles of so many of our misguided former youths.

Anyway, will you dine with us? Seriously guys, get tough...